Is everyone finding his/her own identity?

Questions of my life... they always appear after any America wild party.

You cannot help to ask those questions from which you are searching for answers.

What do I want? Who I am? Do friends like me? Am I a good person?

Those questions are tough, dangerous, and endless...

And they will become more dangerous in the atmosphere of party.

Sometimes, I start to hate people who show off their stupid arrogant.

The feeling is like

"Who are you? Get away from me!"

"I don't want to talk to someone who has bad English skill."

Then I start to hide... start to pretend...

Even in front of my friends... so I will be afraid to talk to them... or just dont want to talk.

There is no-one can understand ... until I try to convince myself to talk.

Is that stupid? I think I am...

Because I know that's the result of judging people in my mind.

Though, it is so natural that I cannot help thinking in that way.

In fact, I always regret after I did that.

Bellow is a good story which gives me an answer.
..............................................................................................................

把心事給放下來~~~轉

最近認識一位美國籍的出家師父（monk），是個很有趣的事情。

特別是他叫我舉起蕃茄汁跟他說話的經驗。

我們約在新竹的一家茶館（tea house）用英文談論著心經（Heart Sutra），
師父用英文跟我解釋因果（cause and effect）、輪迴（reincarnation）這些
事情，這都還不稀奇。

有趣的事情在後頭呢！

師父一聽完我跟他提到的個人煩惱的時候，他索性要我左手提起他剛買的
三罐番茄汁，一邊提著，一邊跟他說話。

可想而知，我左手感覺到疲勞的程度，跟時間成了正比。

也懊惱著為何師父要我一邊提著三罐蕃茄汁，一邊跟他說話。

受不了這樣的酸楚，我自行把左手放下，卻聽到師父跟我說：「Hold it
up,and keep talking to me.」，聽到這樣的話，心理不免起了疑心，我手提
的那麼酸，為何不讓我放下手上的重物，輕鬆地與他對談？

約莫過了15分鐘，我的左手實在承受不住了，才聽見師父跟我說：「Now
you can put it down.」。

看著我狐疑的臉，師父居然笑了出來。

「你不喜歡提著重物跟我說話，為何你卻喜歡帶著煩惱來跟我說話，帶著
煩惱過著你的生活呢？

手酸了，放下就好，對待煩惱，不也是這樣？或是這些煩惱就像是那些番
茄汁一樣， 是你自己用手把它們給舉起來的呢？」

有趣的經驗，對吧？

最近我開始這樣的練習，一手舉起有重量的東西，一邊想著事情。

手酸了，自然會放下手上的東西，看看有一天，我會不會也學到，心理累
了，就把心事給放下來。
..............................................................................................................
Budda's spirit ...Cause and Effect... Reincarnation...

We, asians, live with them even you dont have religion.

Always let me find a direction of life.